Couples jealous of others who approach you may be natural, but what about the children themselves? In fact, there are some couples who just became a parent admitted that they felt their partner was 'taken away' by their own children.
What causes this condition can occur in a family and how to deal with it?
Couples can be jealous of their own children
In fact, spouses or new parents who are jealous of their own children are quite rare. In fact, this condition is more common in people who show excessive anxiety in relationships even before the birth of their first child.
You might think this doesn't make sense because who can feel jealous of a baby? In fact, this has been proven through research from Journal of Social and Relationship.
Experts use data from a project called New Parents Project. This project is a study to see how couples who form the backbone of a family adjust to becoming parents for the first time.
The study was followed by 182 couples who were mostly married. During the third trimester of pregnancy, mom and dad try to solve a number of questions, including anxiety and bonding with each other.
In the questionnaire the participants were asked whether they agreed with questions such as fears of being abandoned or losing love from a partner. Then, three months after the participants' babies were born, the couple returned to completing questions about the relationship between the couple and the baby.
Most of them assume that they do not really like when their partners flood the baby with attention and more affection compared to when with them.
As researchers had predicted, they found that couples would be far more jealous of their first child three months after birth than during pregnancy.
This may be because couples who experience excessive anxiety in the past more often receive a lot of attention from their partners. When the first baby is born, naturally the attention will be more focused on the child.
This condition can apparently occur in both parents (father and mother) who needy or feel anxious. Both tend to be feeling jealous the time their partner spent with a newborn baby.
From this research it is seen that a program for prospective parents to realize their relationship before the first baby is born is needed.
Partner's jealousy affects the relationship
Some couples may at first consider a partner's jealousy for their first child to be cute. However, if left too long, this jealousy has a bad effect on your relationship with your partner.
Jealousy for a long time can actually complicate relations between partners and increase stress between the two.
From the study above it was found that when one partner feels jealous of his first child, it can decreases relationship satisfaction after becoming a parent. As a result, partner relationships can be stretched and can be one of the reasons why after the first child is born, the feeling of satisfaction with the partner also goes down.
This can happen to every couple if they don't have one good communication with a partner. Conflicts and quarrels may arise more often because there are many things to think about and do after the baby is born.
Imagine, you or your partner may have less time to think about your partner's needs and vice versa.
This condition occurs because you both are trying to adjust to a newborn baby. For fathers and mothers who might become breadwinners, this might be a new responsibility.
As a result, stress, frustration, and conflict for you and your partner can not be avoided. There are times that you both might try to avoid discussion and feel dissatisfied in a relationship.
Some of the events above could have been caused by jealousy experienced by your partner towards their first child and a sign that your relationship is under pressure.
How to deal with a couple's problems needy and jealousy?
Couples who are overly anxious may feel jealous of their first child and affect the quality of your relationship. Therefore, you and your partner need to prepare for first time parent and maintain relationships so as not to free fall.
Here are some tips for prospective parents who might be afraid that the baby will distract from their partner.
Maintain relationship priorities
One way to overcome the jealousy of a partner in a child that can have a bad impact on both of you is fixed maintain the priority of the relationship. For example, meeting the needs of both of you and supporting each other's role as parents is quite important.
If you both feel the relationship is more tenuous with the presence of a baby, there are a number of things that need to be considered so that the gap is not wider as follows.
- Spend time together regularly and show that you care.
- Set aside time to listen to complaints, like when the baby is sleeping.
- Befriend other new parents besides your old friends and family.
At first it might be difficult. However, as time goes by both of you might get used to the agreed upon 'date' schedule and rebuild romance after the child is born.
Sounds bothersome, but it turns out share assignments can maintain a healthy relationship when couples feel jealous of their first child.
Pregnancy is a good time to discuss and share tasks when the baby is born and whether you and your partner want to do things differently.
Keep in mind that it is important to be flexible and often see the concept of sharing your two tasks from time to time. This is because as the baby grows, there will be some changes that might affect both of your plans.
In addition, this also helps you and your partner not to appear lame in attention to the baby. For example, when the mother is just learning to breastfeed, as a partner you might be able to appreciate her efforts to try.
Jealous spouse in children may only last a while because being a parent is a lifelong task. Therefore, having a good mental preparation between you and your partner greatly impacts the relationship so it does not stretch when the baby is just born.